The waves and wind still know

This weekend a date rolled round that leaves me with a weird restlessness in the pit of my stomach. An urge to go somewhere where I can stare at the sea and feel that it is immense and I am small. 

7 years ago my friend got into trouble during a freak storm and drowned, aged 20 and a matter of days. The date comes around and demands to be recognized in some way but I never know how to feel about it. It is sad, but more than anything it's a stripping away of my illusions - the illusion of being in control, the illusion of life being measured by the amount of hours lived, or the number of experiences stacked up. 

The night that Berenger died was hot and sleep was scare. I read Psalm 139 and was struck by two things: God has many many thoughts about us and he has all of our days mapped out for us, already. It's an amazing combination of intimate concentration and attention to detail. He is in no way detached, he knows all of our days- but this does not make us old news. He still thinks about us. I guess it's like being in love, when your thoughts gravitate towards a person again and again, not to get new insights or information, but because you really love them. Because thinking about them brings a smile to your face.  Then in the morning, my phone flashed with a tear-choked voice mail message. Berenger's days had been way shorter than any of us had thought. 

But not God.

Security isn't knowing that what you have now is stable and living up to your success criteria.

Security isn't the assumption that bad things are not going to happen.

Security is knowing that our days are firmly held in the loving grasp of a powerful Saviour. A Saviour who thinks of us, with infinite attention and care. And with joyful commitment.

"Be still my soul, the waves and wind still know/His voice who ruled them when he dwelt below..."
(Catharina von Schlegel, 1679)


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