When grace explodes your expectations

I have a number of survival strategies. Some I'm more conscious of than others. Some are more effective than others. 

The militant 'Hit brain repeatedly with Bible verses till self sees sense, and soul cheers up,' for example, that one's quite enjoyable really. The 'Let's pretend we're in some kind of musical with charcoal black humour and ridiculous alternative lyrics,'  that can also can keep me going for a long time. I have another one though which is less good. It's called 'Let's protect self from disappointment by lowering our expectations.' To the level of zero. Yes, world, come on, do your worst because I expect nothing. 'Me voilà - disappointment-proof!' 

I've started to realise that gritting my teeth, being 'realistic' and steeling myself against some vague, unidentified yet darkly looming disappointment is a deeply flawed - and foolish plan. Er, who do I think I'm kidding? My heart is a "desire factory". It does not behave just because I tell it to. It never gives up....desiring. 

Worse, when I come to God in this frame of mind I am grossly misrepresenting his character. 

Along the lines of:

"Daddy, I know you have always given me nothing but bread. And good things. You have always given me manna, more than enough for today. Always. But here's me, coming to you with this (stupid) sinking suspicion that this time - if I ask for what I really want - you might thwack me on the head with a snake...." (Matthew 9)

Grace explodes low expectations. 

Grace frees us to hope. 

To hope big

To dream big

To live fiercely and fearlessly.

God is mega-colossally kind. He loves to give us what is good for us. And his timing has the composed finesse of a comic genius.

Which was beautifully illustrated for me once when, single-handedly filling a lot of water-bombs in China in a pretty exhausted state, I decided I was just going to come clean and pray for ..... a friend. 

It went something like this:

“Lord Jesus I know this is not exactly news  to you or anything, it is not even a situation that we have not been in before, but I am really feeling the lack of companion right now and I would like a ….friend. 

(I mean, you actually know ALL things and yet you still delight to listen to my rambling.....how you are not bored to tears (considering you know everything I am going to say already... is really beyond me) … 

I guess the only explanation there can be for this is that you must REALLY love me... 

Wow.... Woweeeee.

Anyway here’s the deal. I - (my fault, my fault, yes, I signed up for is!)  I walked into this with my eyes open 

((- and with a traumatically-thieved, miraculously-re-provided (brand new) passport and visa....))

so I really shouldn't be complaining.... yes (HOW AM I complaining?)...Jesus, sorry for complaining … 

I am doing this crazy thing known as DIRECTING, and this entails me being alone - or rather, it entails long periods of time being alone

I  -  kind of -  would really like a friend.

Who is actually. Physically. Here. Not on email. Not in England, France, or …. AUSTRALIA. (For example.)

(But speaking of Australia, yes God here again I find myself in a position where my COMFORT ZONE is in AUS - TRA- LI - A...! Again!) But yes, you can take the comfort zone God - oh Lord be pleased to remove my comfort zone and take it far from me. I DO NOT NEED MY SILLY COMFORT ZONE... 

On the other hand, the friend,  I think I do need. Er, want. Would like....

But Lord I am praying this, knowing that... you do have colossal amounts of power etc (sorry - UNDERSTATEMENT  of the YEAR -  You have ALL power in heaven and earth...

but at the same time I am feeling selfish for even asking and I have a distinct suspicion that this being alone thing is my lot. In life. (For now.) 

(And whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to know, da da daaa...)

.... But  the thing is here I am, stranded (so to speak....)

.,.. Stuck. For a long time (Not that I’m counting or anything) in the middle of Beijing. (That would be: Beijing, the capital of CHINA.)

With quite a lot of responsibility. 

With millions of (AIEEEE!! UNEXPECTEDLY EXPLOSIVE!!!) water bombs.

With a teeny weeny (exhausted) team - yes, please help them God … please give them energy

With no translators...

And with no cereal. 

(But with toliets! Thank you for the toliets!)

(And the cooling cucumber crisps...)

Lord Jesus, again this is hardly news to you, but I do NOT in fact speak Chinese. While it is pure comedy (INTENSELY FRUSTRATING) great fun that everyone attempts to communicate with me using the medium of arm gestures and enormous grins and nodding and LOUD monosyllabic Chinese words topped off with even more manic nodding - 

I’m thinking this means that the chances of me finding a friend are pretty slim

….but I know that I should be casting ALL of my cares and bringing ALL of my requests ( however unrealistic they may seem) so here I am, requesting a …...friend.. But then again, not my will but ….agh....OWWWWWWWWWWWW...” 

At that point I doused myself in a LOT of water due to being clumsy and incompetent. Though to be fair to myself, my incompetence and clumsiness were being showcased with extra-resplendent brilliance due to Chinese water bombs being made of very very very cheap material (If I’d been able to read the packaging, I’m confident it would have said: 

{WARNING: 50% of these water bombs spontaneously explode upon contact with water. This is our very own ironic take on the concept of ‘WATER BOMB’.  Made in China. With love. Especially for you.}

But more to the point, at that moment walked in Emery, just in time to witness the water balloon explosion. One of the most incoherent and garbled prayers I have ever prayed, but one that was answered with astounding alacrity...because it just turned out that Emery was a Jesus-sent friend of epic proportions.

Grace isn't normal. Grace listens to our hesitant estimations, our calculating fears and barely-articulated yearnings and laughs in their face. Our desires are too weak, not too strong! Grace is able to do exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine.

When exactly did Grace ever say to you, 'Go away and come back with some really modest, resigned, little prayer request because those are the kind that God likes to answer?'

'Out of his fullness we have all received, grace in place of grace already given'. (John 1)
'And this hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love in our hearts, through the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.' (Romans 5)